The story of Loops

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The story of Loops

Post by AnonymousMouseOwner on Tue Jan 17, 2017 2:36 am

I usually am not into writing, and don't like reading books much, but I had fun making up this story. It's completely made up, it's about a mouse who was lonely and tried really hard to get adopted, but never had much luck. The mouse character is named Loops, and he is put in a scary situation with a snake in the story, but the ending is happy, he is not harmed by the snake Smile I'll put it under a spoiler anyway though. I'm not the best writer, but hopefully someone will enjoy this story! Ear wiggle




Spoiler:

Chapter 1
It was another evening in the old pet shop. Parents were bringing their children to see the pets, children often walking out with a new pet hamster or guinea pig, showing big smiles on their faces. At the end of the day, after the last customer left, and the employees locked the building, the nocturnal animals started to sense the dark, calm environment and began to wake up. Hamsters waking up with sleepy eyes went over to their food dishes to see what was left for them. Rats started to wake up and play with their old chewed up wooden toys. Over in a small tank, in the corner of the store,  a lonely young male mouse was just waking up. He got himself up, let out a yawn, and did a few stretches. He has been there for almost a month. He has the color of a wild mouse, dark brown, with black eyes and white underneath. For this reason, he doesn't get much attention in the pet shop. Visitors passing by often exclaim "Ewww, it's a wild mouse!" or "Don't touch it, it might bite you!".  This mouse was a special mouse, he didn't want to bite anyone, he just wanted a companion, a friend. He tried with all his might to get adopted by someone passing through. He often would do loops on his little mesh wheel until he got dizzy, and make children laugh. However, it never seemed to help, as they would always walk away when he was done. He was nicknamed "Loops"  by the children who often came in to view the animals, because of his antics he performed on his wheel.

Chapter 2
The next morning, the pet shop doors opened and the pet shop owner flipped the lights on. Loops's vision blurred for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the light. He then watched as the pet shop owner casually walked behind the counter and set his things down. Loops was curious as he watched the pet shop owner grab a marker and walk quickly towards his cage. The owner crossed out the five dollar price tag on the front of his cage and wrote "Price reduced, only two dollars!". Loops jumped for joy in hopes that whatever the owner did was going to help him get adopted. The first visitor of the day then walked in through the old wooden door. He was young, average height, and was wearing a long sleeve black sweatshirt, white tennis shoes, a dark green baseball hat,  and jeans. He walked up to the counter and asked "Do you have any mice for sale?", the pet shop owner nodded and replied "Yes, right this way sir". Loops squeaked with excitement when he saw the pet shop owner guiding the visitor to him! He started to do loops on his wheel in hopes of convincing the visitor to adopt him, when all the sudden, he was grabbed by his tail, and thrown in a dark, cold, cardboard box. The man then took the box to the counter and paid for the mouse. The man carried the box out the old wooden door and to his rusty, green, old car, then set the box in the passenger seat. He then started his car, and pulled out of the pet shop parking lot. The cardboard box vibrated and got tossed around a bit with Loops inside, and Loops was still shocked from being picked up so suddenly, so he didn't notice it much.

The car pulled into the driveway of an old one-story house, and the man took the box out of the car and into the house. He went straight to a room with a big tank in it. He then grabbed Loops by his tail again, and Loops was uncomfortable being held like this. He squirmed around trying to free himself with no luck. The man placed Loops in the tank, and Loops looked around in amazement. He walked over the soil substrate that felt so good on his paws, compared to the rough scratchy wood at the old pet store. He climbed over water dishes and into leafy plastic plants. He ran around the tank in amazement until he stumbled upon a log. He climbed up the log out of curiosity, and to his surprise, stepped on a smooth, long creature with scales that was coiled up on the log. Before he had any time to figure out what it was, he saw two small fangs and a huge mouth coming right for him, he squealed in fear and ran as fast as his tiny paws could take him. The creature followed him, though the creature was much slower than him. He hid behind a leafy plant hoping the creature wouldn't spot him. He trembled with fear as he heard the creature slither across the soil. The creature poked through the leafy plastic plant and took a good look at Loops. Loops stood still and tried to remain calm. Luckily, the creature wasn't interested, and left him alone. He was afraid to leave the plant, as he feared this creature could change it's mind and turn on him any moment.

Loops got no sleep that day, and then night came. Loops poked his head out of the leafy plant and looked around. He was hungry, and thirsty. He saw that the long, scaly creature was coiled up in a corner, on the opposite side of the tank. He sneakily and slowly made his way out from the plastic plant. He snuck over to the large water dish in the center of the cage and had a few sips of water. He then ran as fast as he could, back into the leafy plant. The creature didn't seem to mind letting Loops have a few sips of water.

Chapter 3
Three days had passed, Loops had an empty stomach except for some water he sneakily drank each night. He had to find a way to get out. The man occasionally came and refilled the water dish for his creature, but didn't seem to notice Loops hiding in the plant. Loops thought that maybe if he made himself obvious when the man came, he would see him and take him back to the pet store. He feared being lonely again, but being lonely was better than being hungry, sleepless, and scared.

That evening, the man came to check on the creature. As the man put his hand in the tank to pick the creature up, Loops darted out from the leafy plant and climbed into his hand. The man seemed shocked and quickly threw Loops out of his hand and against the glass wall of the tank. He didn't understand why the man did that, and stood still for a moment trying to comprehend what had just happened. The man then picked up Loops by the tail and set him gently in a clear plastic carrier. The man then grabbed his cell phone and made a phone call to the pet shop. The man casually said "Hi, I bought a mouse here the other day and I need to return it, my snake didn't like it", the pet shop owner then replied "Ok, I'd be happy to refund your money if you bring it by today" the man replied "Yes, I'll be right over". Loops recognized the pet shop owner's voice coming through the phone, he was happy, and also upset that he was going back.

Chapter 4
Back at the pet store again, lonely, but safe. Loops settled in to what he remembered as his home. He finally snuggled into his nest and got some sleep. Deep in his sleep, dreaming of eating sunflower seeds and running on the biggest wheel he'd ever imagined,  he was suddenly awoken, as his hidey house was lifted up off of him. He looked up to see a young teenage girl with long brown hair, brown eyes, a purple T-Shirt ,and jeans peeking in the top of his tank. The girl then exclaimed "Yes, I want this one!". The pet shop owner replied " Ok, great, I'll put him in a carrier for you". The pet shop owner lifted Loops by the tip of his tail and set him in a cardboard carrier. Loops squealed, scared, not knowing where he was going. As the man walked towards the counter, the girl peeked in the carrier through a tiny hole for air, and whispered "Don't worry, I'll never pick you up like that". Loops didn't know what she was saying, but her voice was reassuring.

As the girl paid for loops at the counter, the pet shop owner explained Loops's story to her. She decided she was going to keep his name and call him Loops.

As soon as the girl was home, she carried the cardboard carrier to Loops's new home, a massive 40 gallon tank. She set the tiny carrier inside the tank and opened it. Loops slowly walked out of the carrier. He looked around in amazement. Before he walked any further, he sniffed his surroundings and looked around him well, making sure there weren't any creatures in this tank. He couldn't sense any other creatures, so he started to explore. He ran through egg cartons, drank from water bottles, discovered his food dish, did loops on his new big wheel, hid in hidey houses, chewed wooden blocks, ran through cardboard tubes, the fun was endless. The girl, who was sitting down next to his new home, watching him explore, then stood up, lifted the lid of the tank, and set her hand in. Loops crawled on her hand nervously, he didn't want to be thrown against the glass again. She then raised her hand up, and whispered in his ear, "Don't worry little guy, you'll never be lonely again."

The end! Hope you enjoyed this story! Smile

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Re: The story of Loops

Post by CinnamonPearl on Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:50 am

What a cute story! I'm a writer myself. Never written about mice though.

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Re: The story of Loops

Post by stephlisa on Tue Jan 17, 2017 7:14 am

I was so glad it had a happy ending!!! Smile Cute Smile

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Re: The story of Loops

Post by Peachy on Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:33 am

Aww, cute story. Thanks for sharing it! Smile

I just recently began finishing up a fun sci-fi/fantasy story that I worked on a couple years ago. And reading back, I actually love it! It was never meant to be read by anyone but me, I'm a picky reader and was tired of being disappointed by other books. lol But I might have to share it with my husband because he won't leave me alone about it. Laughing
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Re: The story of Loops

Post by MesaMouse on Tue Jan 17, 2017 2:15 pm

That was beautiful, Anonymous, very thoughtful and well-written. Thanks so much for sharing the story of Loops!

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Re: The story of Loops

Post by scaredymouse on Tue Jan 17, 2017 5:08 pm

what a sweet little story!!!!! i loved it <3

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Re: The story of Loops

Post by MooMouse on Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:02 pm

You are so creative, Anonymous, great work! I really enjoyed reading it, it made me feel sad, scared and happy for little Loops at the end. I think that in order to be a good writer, you have to make people feel things, instead of just reading them. You have definitely accomplished that, well done!

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Re: The story of Loops

Post by scaredymouse on Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:09 pm

i agree with moo, i really felt for the little mouse. i even got a little weepy at the end... i was going to keep that to myself, but it's a great accomplishment to make the reader care about the character.

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